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Forum Zone-2000 • View topic - Planinarski vicevi

Planinarski vicevi

Vijesti, informacije, pitanja, ankete... u najširem smislu

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Postby Guest » 07 Jul 2006, 09:49

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Postby nona » 08 Jul 2006, 14:36

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Postby Guest » 08 Jul 2006, 15:46

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Postby sherpa » 08 Jul 2006, 16:04

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Postby sherpa » 08 Jul 2006, 17:06

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Postby nona » 09 Jul 2006, 11:58

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Postby sherpa » 09 Jul 2006, 12:38

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Postby brslo » 10 Jul 2006, 08:08

Neka se ova dvojuca prepucavaju, ja ću malo o ''oh tim divnim stvorenjima''.

Naslonjen na šank, sav jadan stoji zeko, a ispred njega krigla piva. Naišao dabar pa krenuo da ga provocira. Šuti zako, samo bulji u kriglu. Dabar zgrabi pivo i popije naiskap. Kad će ti zeko tužnim glasom:
- Oh kakav grozan dan. Ustao ja jutros i odlučio da se ubijem. Prvo sam htjeo skočiti sa litice, ali bila mi daleko, onda uzmem dvocjevku koju sam zaplijenio od šumara, ali nema metaka, onda uzmem konopac, ali i on puče, planinari ga izraubovali.
Zadnjim parama kupim pivu i u njega stavim otrov, ali i ono mi nesta ispred nosa.


Mali komarac ode na svoj prvi let na Boračkom jezeru. Kada se vratio kući pita ga mama:
- I kako je bilo?
- Super, svi su mi pljeskali.


Prije zime na planini skupile se životinje i pričaju viceve. Dogovore se da će da ubiju onu koja na uspije da nasmije sve.
Ispriča prvo lija jedan, svi se smiju samo medo ozbiljan. I tako ubiju liju.
Došao red na zeku, ispriča, svi ozbiljni samo se medo smije. Ubiju zeku.
- Što se ti medo smiješ, pitaju ostale životinje. Jest dobar ovaj lijin vic.
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Postby ters » 10 Jul 2006, 21:33

Ko je ovaj "brslo"???????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????? ???????????????????????????
??????????????????? ???? ??????????????????????????
?????????????????? ?????? ?????????????????????????
???????????????????????? ??????????????????????????
?????????????????????? ????????????????????????????
????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????
????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????
?
ters
 
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Postby brslo » 10 Jul 2006, 23:45

Jedan tamo, zar te nije zabolio prst držeći šift? Ali evo analgetik:

Kamion pun balvana zgazio tersa u Boračkoj dragi, pozove policija najboljeg jarana Nonu da ga idetifikuje.
- Da li ga prepoznajete?
- Hm, da to nije Picaso.


...i za smirenje...


Ambijent doline Tisovice tjera na filozofska razmišljanja. Tako jedna ovca iz Maksumića stada pita drugu: da li ti vjeruješ u život poslije Bajrama.
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Postby sherpa » 12 Jul 2006, 08:47

Imam i ja jedan o Maksumiću, a i jedan o našem poznatom liku.

Planinari kupuju kod Maksumića hrenovke, traže pileće i pitaju od čega se prave.
- Kako od čega pa pileće su.
- A da li ima još nešto izmješano sa pilećom mesom
- Ima, konjetina.
- I koji je odnos pilećeg i konjskog mesa?
- Otprilike 50 prema 50
- Znači pola pola.
- Pa ne baš.
- Kako sad to?
- Ide jedan konj naprema jedno pile.
- Pa tu skoro i nema pilećeg mesa, ne morate ni da ga stavljate.
- Pa i ne stavljamo.


Prije trideset godina, dok je još išao u školu, učiteljica pitala Materu koji je naš najveći ratnik. Matera k'o iz topa:
- Josip Broz Tito
- Sjedi, čista petica.
Matera sjeo i krišom izvadi sliku ispod klupe i gleda u nju: Izvini Rambo, ali karijera je karijera.
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Postby sherpa » 13 Jul 2006, 12:33

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Postby chupo » 13 Jul 2006, 12:38

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Postby brslo » 14 Jul 2006, 08:11

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Postby nona » 16 Jul 2006, 14:11

Vrijeme zakuhat!
Cujem (opet od Tersa) da je sad na Jezercu na akciji bio jedan golem crnac od jedno 120 kila zive vage, koji je pravo radio, ali ne bi da ga sherpa nije bodrio i sokolio, pa mu u neka doba kaze: Zamisli, nas dvojica imamo petero jaja!
A crnac ce na to: Sta, zar ti imas samo jedno?!?!?
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